I AM LEO

i have mentioned in my previous blog posts that i am back to reviewing again, right?
we did not have a class today because our coach got a flu so i had the day off and decided to go downtown to claim my passport; window shop if i still had the time left before manong nantoy's birthday celebration, which i actually had. and i saw something that made me write this related to it.

well, this is about my point of view about my personality as a person in relation to my zodiac sign. i do not rely nor believe about this stuff 80 percent but it just amazes me how my zodiac descriptions suit me and seem to say all of what i think i  am too. well i am a Leo and i love having a lion sign. i simply love myself (personality).

every time i feel like i want to give up, i always say to myself that i am a Leo and i am hot (well, this one is just a joke i say to myself). i always think that Leos never quit and honestly, one thing i really like about myself is that i do not quit. i never liked giving up on something i started until i have given the best of what i can do if i cannot achieve it in a try or two. quitting means dying to me and of course i do not want to die (literally or hypothetically).

this afternoon, i went downtown and i found a very cute Leo bookmark in the school supply section of Gaisano Main (one of the oldest department store of Bacolod City. Comment if you have been to this store ^^). I was actually looking for a capo (school supply and musical instruments are on the same floor) when my eyes caught the little figure wearing a lion costume. i read the description and i was amazed that every words seemed to describe me.

LEO
"I Am"
You are determined, dignified and strong yet very affectionate and generous inside.
You like to protect, give advice and lead the way.
You also like the feeling of luxury, fun, fame and pleasure.

Although, this descriptions are actually just generalization of all common traits, they hit each and every personality (i think) i have.

I am determined and dignified. As i said earlier, i pursuit what i want and despite my open-mindedness to liberty i care a lot about my name and dignity.
I am strong for i have overcame problems that maybe other people would just bow their head down like failing too many times with something for example yet i stayed standing and striving. let say i am persistent with things i like.
I am affectionate (yes i am expressive with how i feel especially love) and generous.
I have a very strong sense of possession so i protect what is mine with my life.
I am well opinionated person and i do not actually hold back when i am asked for it. i believe that opinion can neither be right or wrong so i should just say what i think anyway especially when it is seek. I can either be a leader and a follower though.
I also like the feeling of luxury, fun, fame and pleasure. who would not want these anyways? i am an extrovert by nature :D

so now that i have trouble concentrating in my review, this bookmark will remind me to concentrate more to achieve more!!!

back to self studying now while CGE TV is on.
PS.
sheeps dont let me count you until 5am!!! :D

THE MOTIVATING WORDS...

I had been depressed since the moment i viewed my IELTS results online. i was thinking that i did my best but i still failed. it seemed to me that everything i do the hardest does not pay me well enough. it looked like no matter what i do; no matter how i sincerely pray for it; no matter how i claim for it to be mine (which some people say i should do to set my mind that i can achieve it), it doesnt come my way as easy as it is for others. i end up repeating things all over again..and how i hate it!!!

I always say to myself that "God provides" for it has indeed proven me that God provides many times in my life. I lost my parents (my mom with ovarian cancer and my dad stayed in manila since her death. he didn't come home so often that i thought i lost him too. It is not that i have any bad feelings towards him for the truth is i love him so much but im just stating a fact..)at the age of three, but He gave loving and wonderful grandparents. He gave me people who supported me with my education as well as the material things that a teenager would want to have. I never felt deprived nor sad about being an orphan at all. everything i needed was spoon-fed to me. When I had to undergo a surgery that would cost my family a sum of money which was enough to buy a house and lot in a decent subdivision, though the fund didn't come easy, God never let me down. He has proven me Himself so many times that i hang on to these words always...

Yesterday, my IELTS coach texted me that i could still pay for the exam this coming July. Thank God, my aunt babes is paying it for me (thanks to my sister for sponsoring my IELTS part 3 and sorry for failing the reading part).

I am going to sit in the test again because it is the first base to start my career as a nurse in Australia. I am not getting any younger and i think that the longer i stay here the thinner my chance to be employed abroad it becomes. I contemplated too many times the reason why i should pursue my career as a nurse when i don't even like it to begin with. i find myself going back to the reality lane that this is all i know to do. this is all i am licensed to do. i went astray from this profession for quite some time already and it has long been due for me to do something about it. i don't want to depend forever, so i want to move my butt and make a step closer to my dream. Yes! i am making my Aussie future a dream and it is official! I will never let go of this no matter how difficult it may become. i would take some leeway or a rest if i should but never will i back off from this dream!!!

My aunt babes inspires me all the time and how i wish i can ever pay her back for all her goodness. i added another motivating words from her: "DONT BE ASHAMED;U HAVE A FLAT NOSE! FROM TTO WALTER" Tito walter is her late husband that happens to be my godfather too. he used to say this to her to encourage her. It applies to me too well because i have a flat nose, hihihi! (im just trying to humor myself out of depressing state )

Right now i am with her in Facebook and she is giving me some test-taking advice: "wear ka bala red panty,he,he" it means "u should wear a red panty". It is one of the many Filipino beliefs which means wearing something red will give you good luck especially when taking a test. I did not try this in my previous IELTS exam so maybe this July is going to be the time that i will try the red undergarment's power. I will lose nothing if i do that, haha!

Anyways, i and my aunt babes have just finished chatting and i already have forgotten what i was blabbering about earlier, i don't know what more i can vent out here. maybe this is it for now until another of my depression period attacks..

"tsuss!gute nacht!traüm schön!" ♥

IELTS take 3

getting a band score of 7 in all skills in ielts seems to be just too
hard. i always fell short a point in one of its parts and its really
making me really really sad. though i got an 8.5, i couldn't be any
happy about it because i have a 6.5 too. i just want 7 in all four
areas. flat seven...huhuhuhuhu..TT^TT
this online result is provisional but they say that this is more
likely im going to see with the posted one. i wish it becomes 7 in the
paper (wishful thinking)...
but then again, there's nothing more i can do about it. ive given up
my social life to focus on my review and did my best to raise my
previous scores but i guess, if it is really not for me yet, there is
no way i can argue enough. que sera sera. anyway, "God provides" as i
always say so never say die :)

SMILE

do you try different smiles? i do, a lot. i think this smile suits me.
though it makes me look a little sad, it's mystic and kind of
intriguing, watcha
think? let's flash some gorgeous smile everyone :D

tuttee 2

this is my super cute nephew. so chubby and so behaved that you'll like him in an instant :)

Crazy Things I Did Today

I had a tough day today. First, it's my ielts speakng day. Second, the jeepney driver didn't drop me to my destination (like what he said) Third, i arrived late at the speaking test venue..not just late but super late! i was losing myself (to the extent of bursting into tears, kahuluya!) when i got there but dear God is just so nice that He assigned to me considerate and understanding facilitators and interviewer. Fourth, i felt bad for what has happened to me including the fact that i wasted money for taking a cab when i could have walked down to the hotel from where i was staying, if i didn't take the jeepney in the first place. (I am not from iloilo city that is why i am not familiar with its streets. I actually went to the test venue yesterday with divine but I'm not just good at remembering particularly with directions) I didn't just waste my money but also my time. the driver took me somewhere in villa which i estimated to be 30 minutes away from the hotel. I learned not to trust jeepney drivers anymore. Not because they drive the same route everyday means they know all the buildings and hotels along the way really. (Hay!) After my speaking exam, i walked around the downtown area to lose my aggression. i even had a road trip couple of times just to shake off my warring emotions.

When i got to SM, i decided to watch BORN TO LOVE YOU of coco martin and Angeline quinto. Inside, i couldn't watch the movie really.

I was just crying the whole time. It was crazy, i know but i couldn't stop my tears. I found it inappropriate to cry in the hotel. I was just in the height of my emotions so i couldn't really blame myself for crying over what happened.

For all i know, i never wanted more than anything at this time but to get over this stage of my life so i wouldn't do anything to fail ielts the third time around.in fact, i left my hotel 1hour and 30mins earlier than my scheduled time (which was 11:25 AM)

And now i am having my bulimia again because of what happened. After the movie, I bought an ice cream..a half gallon that is! I ate it all by myself when i got to my room. Greedy me. It seemed that i couldn't get enough of it. this is what stress can do to me. I thought it would make me feel better. it just cooled me down for awhile but made me regret of how much carbs i gained, ooooosh! I like to stop thinking about the whole thing because it is starting to make me go crazy. Tomorrow is another part of IELTS WAR and i cannot allow myself to be half-minded when taking the exam. God help! This is just another of my mumblings.sigh! ~Saiyee~<3