16 november 2008 / 2pm
i have just finished my shower when i remembered preparing something for tomorrow's class.
i then realized that today is your last day being my student...i really feel sad that i started crying.
i thought, i am emotionally stronger this time.
i thought i am used to saying goodbyes to my student that i won't cry when you leave.
i thought i won't be broken hearted just like i felt when amie and calvin left.
i was wrong.
as what you said before, you are a jealous student and friend.
you may had been jealous of my other students because you thought i like them more compare to you, but you know what?
you are the closest student to me. you're not just a student, i treated you more as a dear friend.
i have always been honest to you with my thoughts and feelings. i can tell you what i think and feel.
when someone told me that you wanted to leave my class to attend 1:4 class because that would make you happy, i felt sad.
so when you asked me last friday (14 november 08) if i want you to leave my class or not,
no second thoughts, i told you that you could change my class...
though i know that you won't leave if only i told you not to.
i just want you to know that i never wanted you to leave.
i never said yes beacuse i dont want you in my class anymore.
i said yes because i want you to enjoy your stay here. i just want to be happy
...though it's really really hard for me.
i don't know what's the use of this diary,
but, maybe i just want to let you know that you have been special to me.
maybe, i'd be so jealous with your other teachers too.
i am afraid that you will forget all the memories we had.
i am scared that you will forget about me because i know that you are forgetful.
chalga.
Grieving Still
tonight, you are 2 years gone
but do you know,
it's just like yesterday for me.
all came rushing in my memory,
the ache-bringing pictures and scenery.
each time i close my eyes
the feeling intensifies...
i remember how you cared for me
and your love is what i misses...
right now i am asking
the same old question i had in mind.
as they say,
these things heal through time,
but why mine don't?
is it not yet its time?
or was it all along just a lie?
i want to move on and
live life with out this pain,
no longing for someone that i know will never come back.
you are a bitter-sweet memory.
and remembering you
is like crying in the rain...
saying i'm perfectly fine
but still grieving inside.
but do you know,
it's just like yesterday for me.
all came rushing in my memory,
the ache-bringing pictures and scenery.
each time i close my eyes
the feeling intensifies...
i remember how you cared for me
and your love is what i misses...
right now i am asking
the same old question i had in mind.
as they say,
these things heal through time,
but why mine don't?
is it not yet its time?
or was it all along just a lie?
i want to move on and
live life with out this pain,
no longing for someone that i know will never come back.
you are a bitter-sweet memory.
and remembering you
is like crying in the rain...
saying i'm perfectly fine
but still grieving inside.
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